While watching Tyler Perry’s movie ‘Why DidI Get Married’ I couldn’t help but wonder how many people ask this question of themselves every single day.
Whether it be the petty arguments or the issues with cleaning up, cooking or worse yet in-laws or money. There are a million reasons for couples to question their motives for getting married.
Marriage can be messy. I heard Lysa TerKeurst say this at the end of an encouraging word she was sharing and I thought, ‘wow she is so right’!
The fights you didn’t even know were fights until you found yourself breaking stuff and wondering what happened later. The disagreement that was never meant to lead to a week without speaking, or calling him a name so out of your character it surprised you that those words were still in you.
I remember an argument that progressed between my husband and me. I should add my husband is often the more wordy one in our arguments. I am the one who shuts down and simmers. Usually while I’m simmering however he is throwing shade in order to re-engage me. Well in this particular argument I don’t know what he said, but whatever struck a nerve I went from 0 to 10 in a millisecond. My saved, sanctified, Holy Ghost filled self who hadn’t used as much as a curse word in years commenced to cursing him out with every word I could think of. It got so good to me, I didn’t even take a breath. I sunk to an inappropriate low that hurt my heart, his heart but most importantly the heart of God. It was so embarrassing then because I thought I was delivered from that level of conversation. As the title says though, marriage can be messy. My mouth made a complete mess of everything we had built over the course of quite a few years. Remembering this now is a little comical and we often share this issue with couples both for comic relief and to let them know they are not alone. We also share it to give those who haven’t gone there a heads up on what not to do.
The key being, messy issues will occur in marriage but love, the Lord and forgiveness are the heavy duty paper towels that can clean it up most effectively.
It’s difficult to remember you’re in love when your spouse makes you angry, but it is vital. Remember your goal shouldn’t be to injure but rather to get to the root of the issue. Your spouse is not the enemy, he/she is the love of your life (and you want to keep it that way).
Then for those issues that you can’t seem to come to a resolution about, first and foremost pray, HARD. Pray earnestly for your spouse for this issue and for your relationship.
Finally forgive, forgive and forgive again.
Marriage can be messy but you can clean up the mess with love, the Lord and lots of forgiveness.
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:9