So this is a little off the topic of marriage but I have to get it out.
So the marathon is a germophobes nightmare. Being handed water so graciously by someone with their entire finger in your cup. People high fiving a bunch of runners who went to the restroom only God knows where, wiping with only God knows what and washing their hands with, well you get the point. And everyone offering you random food that comes out of nowhere like premoistened gummy worms, orange slices exchanged hand to hand, half eaten bananas and the list goes on.
I’ll just add that mile ten turned a consummate germophobe into an IDontCarian. I will eat whatever you offer off your dirty, sweaty urine laced fingers and I’m just grateful you’re offering anything. So with that I say Thank you Pittsburgh for yet another wonderful year of marathon support. You danced, sang and encouraged runnners who were all in and who were right on the verge of giving up. From the trombone player in her wonder woman gear, to the wine stand in the South Side I appreciate you. To the oversized dancing banana and especially to the BGR member who yelled in my face ‘you can do it, you are awesome, you were made for this’ on the North Side as she ran a good half a block with me, I say Pittsburgh: YOU ARE AWESOME!!!
To relate this to marriage: we often miss the love and good intentions of the giver when we refuse to accept the gift. Become an IDontCarian in your marriage. That’s the ultimate stretch I know, but this is a marriage blog people.
But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
I often watch older couples as they’ve been together for some time (at least that’s the assumption I make). The ones that are most interesting are those that sit at restaurants in silence for the most part. I’ll admit I used to feel sorry for them and vow that would never be my husband and me, then I started watching more intently. I invite you to do the same. Watch the dance that takes place in utter and complete silence. She’ll pass the sugar before he asks for it, he’ll cut her steak or grab a string bean before she begins eating. They may say nothing verbally but they are having a full conversation with loving nonverbals. This is what I strive for. I want a bond so close that we don’t have to make a sound to completely understand what the other is thinking or feeling. I want to be totally in tune with my husband.
All of this brings me to the conclusion that it’s not about how others say you should talk to one another, but rather it’s the natural flow of communication that works for your relationship. If the style you are using to communicate presently isn’t working for you, please seek the help of a thriving mentor couple or as I always say get a licensed listener. However, once you identify a communication style that works for the two of you, take solace in the fact that you may one day become that older couple who need no words to express the deepest sentiments of their hearts.
The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit
Caption courtesy of:
I read an article that said married couples are more healthy than singles. It went as far as to say married couples live an average of four years longer than singles. Some unhappily marrieds would be willing to risk it I’m sure, but I want those four years.
I know many people believe this is a myth but the reality is there are numerous studies that show the increase in health caused by companionship. There are also studies that address the increase in health due to regular physical touch of any sort. These two alone would be enough to account for the initial research I referred to, but this research used the common sense version of why marrieds are more healthy than singles. Marrieds are more likely to “keep after each other to have regular checkups, take medicine, eat nutritiously, and so on” (Gottman & Silver, 1999). These researchers also found some physiological benefits to being married but that one stood out most to me. We actually nag one another into health. Go figure, someone please tell my husband my naggings not all bad!
Why do I stress the health benefit of being married you ask: Simply because it is one of the many benefits to being and staying married. God truly had a plan when He created Adam and then crafted (yes I said crafted) Eve for his health and well being. Knowing this is the case, marrieds work at making your marriage as happy as possible just for the health of it.
Sorry I couldn’t resist.
Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.”
(Genesis 2:18, New Living Translation).
Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work. New York: Crown Publishers.